


Minimum wage stuck

by carcinoGeneticist69413



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:27:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28472367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carcinoGeneticist69413/pseuds/carcinoGeneticist69413
Summary: Alternate title: i dont get payed enough for this shit stuck
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak, Rose Lalonde & Dave Strider
Kudos: 13





	1. The bet

**Author's Note:**

> mmm this is also on wattpad, ive decided to update the chapters 1 days late bc yall r inferior😤😤😤😤😤😤/hj

Daves pov:  
the maid outfits actually kinda cool  
in an ironic way of course  
the worst part of the job is really only the pay  
if im gonna walk around in a maid outfit in front of my peers you better give me 100 dollars at least  
minimum wage is way too little for this shit, but its worth it if it means i can spend more time with karkat  
my first day of work is in 3 days and if im being honest im a little excited  
sure, itll be embarassing as hell letting egdip see me in a skirt, but this is irony in its peak form  
im still a bit surprised rose convinced kanaya to buy that resturaunt, none the less make it a maid cafe

~~~~~~

"I just think it'll work out. Kanaya is good with people and managing time, I'm not awful at cooking, and we can always hire more people."  
"i mean yeah i guess but whats the point"  
"I've been trying to get some more money lately, I think it's important to fuel my hobbies, but I've found that the higher quality yarn and knitting equipment tends to be more expensive." rose told me  
"i bet you she wont do it"  
"...Really, Bet what?"  
"uhhh" rose had been trying to start bets with me alot lately, im not really sure why "if you somehow convince kanaya to buy the building next to trollbucks by the end of this month, ill work there for you guys"  
"Hmm, deal!" she looked a bit too excited

just what the hell is she scheming

~~~~~~

i guess i finally found out what she was planning after all  
when rose told me that kanaya had bought the building that had been for sale she let me know soon enough  
"hell no."  
"A deal is a deal dave, and you lost. Therefore, you have to work here."  
"fuck no rose, you didnt tell me itd be a fucking maid cafe"  
"You never asked what kind of resturaunt we were planning on starting, I didn't think it was important." she folded her hands on the table, next to the maid uniform that laid in front of me  
there were even cat ears  
hell no  
"rose"

"Dave."  
"rose why"  
"Why what? Why the cat ears? Why a maid cafe? Why you? There are alot of questions you could be asking right now."  
"why"  
"You start monday," she stated, ignoring my previous question, "and you have to stay for at least one day, after that if you want to quit thats fine, it's up to you.  
"I think we got the right size but just to be sure you should try it on, and make sure not to tear it Kanaya worked hard on those."  
"...do you mean right now?"  
"Dave we're in a trollbucks, I don't think that's a great idea."  
oh right we were in public werent we  
right next to the building they bought too  
right next to my new job  
after we left the trollbucks rose took me next door to check the place out  
it looked like they got it way before and had only told me now  
what a douche  
we met kanaya inside and she gave me a little more of an explanation  
id be payed minimum wage, they supplied the maid dress (though i could tell that since i was holding on to it at the time), it turns out i knew everyone else who was working there so far  
when i got home i immediately went to pesterchum

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

[5:30] TG: kitkat  
[5:30] TG: kitkat i need your help  
[5:30] CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT DAVE  
[5:31] CG: AND STOP CALLING ME KITKAT  
[5:32] TG: rose tricked me into getting a job and im not doing this alone  
[5:32] TG: if im going down youre coming with  
[5:33] CG: HELL NO  
[5:33] CG: WHATEVER IT IS YOU CAN COUNT ME THE FUCK OUT ASSHOLE  
[5:34] TG: cmon it wont be bad its just a dumb resturaunt her and kanaya started  
[5:35] TG: plus she already said i could quit after one day i just want someone there with me  
[5:35] CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN "SOMEONE THERE WITH ME"  
[5:36] CG: YOURE LITERALLY TALKING ABOUT WORKING WITH KANAYA AND ROSE FUCKASS YOU KNOW THEM  
[5:36] TG: no but i mean to fuck around with  
[5:37] TG: we can talk when we have nothing to do and be dumbasses  
[5:37] TG: plus youd get payed  
[5:38] TG: you could use the money to like  
[5:38] TG: go to the movies or something  
[5:39] TG: ive seen ads for this new romcom it looks pretty good  
[5:40] CG: NO DAVE FUCK OFF THIS SOUNDS DUMB  
[5:40] CG: I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE ANYWAYS THEY WOULDNT HIRE ME  
[5:41] TG: no im sure they will  
[5:41] TG: they know you plus theh already have enough people to cook, they just need waitors  
[5:42] TG: cmon dude  
[5:42] TG: ill stop calling you kitkat  
[5:42] CG: ...  
[5:44] CG: DEAL  
[5:44] TG: cool  
[5:45] TG: okay well youll have to contact rose or kanaya and let them know but ill see you on monday dude  
[5:45] TG: bye

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] has ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --  
\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] had ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --


	2. A maid cafe!!!??!?🙀🙀🙀🙀

~karkat's pov~

UGH I CANT BELIEVE STRIDER CONVINCED ME TO DO THIS   
I SHOULD CONTACT KANAYA ABOUT THIS JOB BUT IM STILL TRYING TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND WHY IM THE ONE HE CONTACTED  
WHAT ABOUT EGBERT, THAT SHITHEAD IS SO CLOSE TO HIM YOUD THINK THEYRE DATING OR SOMETHING  
WHATEVER THINKING ABOUT THIS ISNT IMPORTANT, I NEED TO CONTACT KANAYA

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has begun pestering grimAuxiliatrix --

[6:03] CG: SIGN ME UP FOR THIS FUCKING RESTURAUNT BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND  
[6:03] GA: Hello To You Too, Karkat.  
[6:03] GA: You're Interested In Joining The Maid Cafe?  
[6:05] CG: THE FUCKING WHAT  
[6:05] CG: DAVE DIDNT FUCKING TELL ME ABOUT THIS PART NO  
[6:06] GA: So I Take It You Arent Interested In The Maid Cafe Then.  
[6:07] CG: IM SORRY I NEED TO GO YELL AT STRIDER  
[6:07] CG: WE CAN DISCUSS THIS LATER

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

THAT FUCKASS   
WHAT THE HELL WHY WOULD HE ASK ME TO WORK FOR A FUCKING MAID CAFE  
WHY IS HE WORKING FOR A MAID CAFE IN THE FIRST PLACE  
WHAT A DUMBASS  
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH HIM  
ASKING ME TO JOIN A MAID CAFE  
THAT FUCKING ASSHOLE

~~ carcinoGeneticist [CG] has begun pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

[6:09] CG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK  
[6:09] CG: FUCK YOU IM NOT DOING IT  
[6:10] TG: what   
[6:10] TG: oh the cafe  
[6:11] TG: why  
[6:11] CG: BECAUSE DAVE  
[6:12] CG: ITS A FUCKING MAID CAFE  
[6:12] CG: N O  
[6:13] TG: it might be fun tho  
[6:14] TG: please kitkat  
[6:14] TG: wait  
[6:14] TG: please karkat  
[6:15] CG: WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT ME TO JOIN A MAID CAFE  
[6:15] CG: WHAT THE HELL  
[6:15] CG: WHY ARE YOU EVEN DOING THIS AGAIN  
[6:16] TG: i told you rose tricked me  
[6:16] CG: HOW THE EVERLOVING FUCK DO YOU GET TRICKED INTO JOINING A MAID CAFE  
[6:16] TG: i lost a bet  
[6:17] CG: WHY WOULD YOU AGREE TO A BET WHERE YOU JOIN A FUCKING MAID CAFE  
[6:17] CG: DO YOU WANT TO SERVE PEOPLE IN A DRESS  
[6:17] TG: nonono you got it all wrong  
[6:18] TG: i didnt know it was gonna be a maid cafe before hand  
[6:18] TG: she just said a restaurant   
[6:19] TG: ive been bamboozled by Rose  
[6:19] CG: IF YOU EVERY SAY THAT WORD EVER AGAIN IM GOING TO BURN YOUR SHADES  
[6:19] TG: what word  
[6:20] TG: do you mean bamboozled  
[6:20] CG: YES  
[6:20] CG: ITS THE DUMBEST FUCKING WORD IVE EVER SEEN IN MY GOG DAMNED LIFE  
[6:21] TG: thats why its the best word   
[6:21] TG: its the absolute peak of irony  
[6:21] CG: ITS NOT  
[6:22] CG: IT MOST DEFINITELY IS NOT  
[6:22] TG: wow  
[6:22] TG: the disrespect  
[6:22] CG: WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE HELL UP AND EXPLAIN WHY YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO ASK ME TO WORK AT A FUCKING MAID CAFE  
[6:23] TG: no  
[6:23] TG: no hold up  
[6:23] TG: youve got this all wrong i just want someone to fuck around with  
[6:23] CG: YOUVE SAID THIS BEFORE, MOVE ON  
[6:24] TG: so i mean   
[6:24] TG: i think that it might be more fun if you were there   
[6:25] TG: and we already know everyone there so far  
[6:25] TG: so its not like youre getting in a dress in front of strangers or anything  
[6:25] CG: FIRST OF ALL  
[6:26] CG: YES I STILL AM DUMBASS THE CUSTOMERS ARENT GONNA BE STRICTLY PEOPLE I KNOW  
[6:26] CG: SECONDLY  
[6:26] CG: THAT MAKES IT WORSE  
[6:26] CG: YOU THINK I WANT EGBERT TO SEE ME IN A DRESS AND GOG KNOWS WHAT ELSE?  
[6:27] TG: yknow what  
[6:27] TG: its fine if you dont wanna join it doesnt really matter  
[6:27] TG: ill just invite terezi instead its okay  
[6:28] CG: DAVE IF YOURE GONNA TRY AND MAKE ME JEALOUS IT ISNT WORKING  
[6:28] TG: nah dude its okay   
[6:28] CG: FUCK YOU DAVE CMON MAN  
[6:29] TG: what  
[6:29] TG: dude if you wanna do it then do it if not you dont have to  
[6:31] CG: FINE   
[6:31] CG: FINE ILL DO IT DUMBASS  
[6:31] TG: really  
[6:32] TG: you dont have to dude are you sure  
[6:32] TG: YEAH FINE WHATEVER  
[6:32] TG: FUCK YOU

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] -- 

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] has begun pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --

[6:33] GA: Hello Again Karkat.  
[6:33] CG: HEY   
[6:33] CG: IM INTERESTED IN JOINING THE MAID CAFE  
[6:34] GA: Really? I Expected That You Would Opt Out After Finding Out About The Maid Part.  
[6:34] CG: YEAH YEAH STHU JUST TELL ME HOW THIS THING IS GONNA WORK  
[6:34] GA: Well, You Would Start On Monday, I Can Supply You With A Maid Outfit Soon.  
[6:34] GA: You'll Be Payed $10.30 an hour.  
[6:34] GA: And You Will Be Working With Dave, John, Rose, Terezi, Me, Tavros, Nepeta, Equius, And Feferi.  
[6:34] GA: Keep In Mind Not To Damage The Maid Dresses As I've Taken The Time To Design Them, Gather The Materials, And Sew Them, So Do Be Careful.  
[6:35] GA: Any Questions?  
[6:35] CG: I DONT THINK SO  
[6:36] GA: Good.   
[6:36] GA: Your Maid Outfit Should Be Ready By Sunday.  
[6:36] CG: SEE YOU THEN I GUESS

\-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA] --  
\-- grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --


	3. First day

Daves pov:

its finally monday  
idk if thats a good thing or not but its a thing  
at least i got kitkat to join me  
i wont be alone then  
i probably shouldve tried on the maid dress first  
shit rose told me to didnt she  
ill have to figure it out when i get home  
maybe it wont be too bad  
maybe no one will come in  
maybe, just maybe, rose will realize how shitty of an idea this is and shell fire everyone and sell the resturaunt  
that ones just wishful thinking at that point

~~~~~~~~~~

the maid outfits actually kinda cool  
in an ironic way of course  
the worst part of the job is really only the pay, that and letting people see me in a dress without having to pay hundreds  
should be a crime letting them see someone look this cool for such little money  
but you gotta do what you gotta do, i think of it more as charity work  
minimum wage is way too little for this shit, but its worth it if it means i can spend more time with karkat  
my first day of work is today and if im being honest im a little excited  
sure, itll be embarassing as hell letting egdip see me in a skirt, but this is irony in its peak form  
im so getting made fun of for this shit

~~~~~~~~~~~

Karkats pov

OH GOG ITS TODAY  
WHY DID DAVE CONVINCE ME TO DO THIS HOLY SHIT IM NOT READY FOR HIM TO MOCK THE SHIT OUT OF ME AS SOON AS I GET THERE  
THIS IS GONNA BE BAD  
I DONT KNOW WHY I EVER AGREED TO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE  
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME  
THIS WAS SUCH A SHITTY PLAN  
THIS IS LIKE  
THE WORST SHITTY PLAN TO EVER EXIST  
FORGET JADE PROTOTYPING HER LUSUS, THIS IS THE SHITTIEST, LEAST THOUGHT OUT, AWFUL PLAN OUT OF ANY OTHER PLAN TO EVER BE EVEN CONSEPTUALIZED  
BUT I REST MY CASE  
I, UNLIKE SOME OTHER PEOPLE WHO MIGHT BE GETTING READY, HAVE ALREADY TRIED ON MY OUTFIT  
I HAD TO GIVE KANAYA THE THUMBS UP, NOT JUST FOR BEING MY BOSS BUT FOR MAKING THE DRESS IN THE FIRST PLACE  
IT MAY BE EMBARASSING AS HELL BUT IT WAS INCREDIBLY WELL MADE, ASWELL AS COMFY  
I LOOKED DOWN AT MY HUMAN TECHNOLOGY RECTANGLE  
IT WAS TIME  
GOG DAMNIT IM SCREWED

~~~~~~~~

AS I WALK UP THE STEPS TO THIS STUPID, GOG FORSAKEN RESTURAUNT I LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW   
AND I SAW HIM  
STRIDER  
NOPE  
IS IT TOO LATE TO TURN BACK I DONT WANNA GO  
AND MAYBE I COULDVE GOTTEN AWAY TOO IF WE WERENT STARING AT EACHOTHER  
HE HAD HIS SHADES ON BUT I COULD TELL  
OUR EYES WERE LOCKED  
HE SMIRKED  
SHIT  
IM GONNA HAVE TO DO THIS ARENT I  
I TOOK A DEEP BREATHE  
AND WALKED IN

NO  
NO  
NO I HATE IT HERE NO  
I CANT JUST LEAVE THOUGH

THE WHOLE PLACE WAS COVERED IN PINK, LITTLE WHITE ACCENTS WERE SPRINKLED AROUND THE ROOM  
TABLES WITH DIFFERENT PASTEL HUES AND DOILIES WERE DOTTED AROUND  
ON THE WALLS THERE WERE PAINTINGS AND THOSE GOG FORSAKEN FANCY EAT TRAY DESIGNS  
IT LOOKED LIKE SAILOR MOON THREW UP OVER THE PLACE  
AND I HAD TO WORK HERE  
FUCK THIS

WHEN I WALKED IN KANAYA GREETED ME, HER WEARING HER MAID OUTFIT AND A STRANGE MASK

"Hello Karkat! Im Glad You Came."  
"WELL I SIGNED UP FOR THE DAMN THING I THINK ITD BE A LITTLE IRRISPONSIBLE TO NOT SHOW UP"  
"I Suppose You Arent Wrong, But I Appreciate It None The Less."  
"HEY WHAT ARE YOU WEARING"  
"Its A Mask, It Helps Sickness From Spreading"  
"NO I GET THAT I MEAN  
WHY THOSE COLORS ITS NOT LIKE YOURE AN ORANGE BLOOD OR A PINK BLOOD"

I LOOKED CLOSER AT THE MASK, IT HAD STRIPES OF COLORS DIANGONALLY, RED-ISH ORANGE AT THE TOP, THEN NORMAL ORANGE, WHITE, MAGENTA, AND A DARKER PURPLISH PINK AT THE BOTTOM

"Oh Its One Of Those Human Gender Preference Flags. When I Think Of My Romantic Preferences In Human Terms I Identify As A Lesbian."  
"OH THOSE"  
"Speaking Of The Masks, I Actually Would Like All Employees To Wear One."  
"ARE YOU TELLING ME TO CHOOSE A HUMAN FLAVOR OF ROMANCE"  
"No, No Of Course Not, You Dont Need A Pride Mask, Just A Mask In General Will Do. However, If You Do Wish To Have A Mask Of Your Sexuality I Wont Be Stopping You."  
"WHAT THE HELL IS A SEXUALITY"  
KANAYA EXHALED, "I Figured Dave Would've Explained This To You By Now, These 'Brands Of Relationships' Are Called Sexualities."  
"OHH OKAY, THE FUCKING SPICES OF QUADRANTS"  
"Please Karkat, Sexualities Is Fine"  
"WHATEVER, WHERE CAN I GET ONE OF THE FACE FABRICS"  
"Masks Are Available At Most Stores, There Should Be A Corner Store Just Down The Street, You And Dave Can Go Get One Together Before Your Shifts Start."  
"WHAT WHY DAVE I CAN GO ALONE!!"  
"because," SUDDENLY THE FUCKASS WAS STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO ME, SHADES, DRESS, CAT EARS AND ALL "i dont have a mask yet either its convenient"

AND SO SEEMINGLY IN SECONDS ME AND DAVE HAD MANAGED TO LEAVE THE CAFE ALREADY  
THE STORE WASNT TOO FAR AWAY BUT I COULD ALREADY TELL THIS WAS GONNA TAKE AWHILE  
USUALLY DAVE AND I CAN JUST CLICK INTO CONVERSATIONS, BUT THATS ALMOST ALWAYS ONLINE AND *NOT* WEARING MAID DRESSES AND CAT EARS

ID NEVER ADMIT IT BUT IVE GROWN ACCUSTOMED TO THE MAID DRESSES  
THEY DONT BOTHER ME LIKE ID THOUGHT AND SEEING DAVE IN ONE ISNT AS AWFUL AS I ANTICIPATED  
ILL NEVER TELL HIM  
BUT HE LOOKS GOOD IN ONE TOO

SO WE WALKED IN SILENCE  
COMFORTABLE SILENCE BUT SILENCE NONETHELESS   
EVERYONE ONCE IN A WHILE ONE OF US WOULD MAKE A SHIT ATTEMPT AT STARTING CONVERSATION BUT IT NEVER TURNED OUT  
I DONT THINK EITHER OF US REALLY MINDED THOUGH  
MAYBE IT WAS FOR THE BEST THAT WE DONT TALK WHILE WEARING SKIRTS 

AS WE WALKED INTO THE STORE DAVE QUICKLY LOCATED THE PRIDE SECTION, SAYING SOMETHING ABOUT WANTING TO STAY "on brand" WITH KANAYAS MASK  
HE PICKED UP A BLUE, PURPLE, AND PINK MASK THEN LOOKED AT ME LIKE HE EXPECTED SOMETHING  
I RETURNED HIS STARE WITH CONFUSION  
"are you gonna grab one"  
"I DONT KNOW WHAT THESE MASKS MEAN DAVE WHAT IF I ACCIDENTALLY PICK UP ONE THAT MEANS IM ATTRACTED TO FUCKING HUMAN JAPANESE CARTOON CHARACTERS"  
"oh yeah thats right trolls dont have labels,  
well, this one here,"   
HE POINTED TO THE PINK AND ORANGE MASK KANAYA HAD BEEN WEARING "is a lesbian flag. it means someone is a woman who is attracted to women,"   
HE CONTINUED ON, EXPLAINING THE MEANING OF ALL THE MASKS AT THE TABLE  
AFTER HE FINISHED I SETTLED ON THE "GAY" BRAND OF PRIDE FLAG  
IT HAD GREEN, BLUE, AND WHITE STRIPES, SIMILAR TO KANAYAS LESBIAN MASK BUT MEANING A MAN WHO LOVES MEN

WE CHECKED OUT OUR MASKS AND MADE OUR WAY BACK TO THE CAFE

TODAYS GONNA BE SOMETHING...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wish my co host a happy late birthday or ill eat your kneecaps 🤬🤬🤬/hj


	4. Not a wise man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please understand that this is absolute shit

Rose's pov:

Today's the day! I can't wait!  
Kanaya has been handling getting people on board while I manage the decor and supplies.  
I think I'm pretty happy with how it came out, the menu is small but the meals are of particularly good taste, (in my opinion of course) and the decorations are quite cute if I do say so myself.  
To be fair I got most of my inspiration while watching sailor moon, so if it's a bit too cutesy I would be to blame.  
I ended up buying me and Kanaya matching pride masks, partially so I could have one myself, but also for Kanaya since she had said she wanted everyone wearing masks. Might aswell get nice masks right?

When people started arriving it was the best feeling. Like all me and kanaya had worked for the past month or so was finally paying off.  
Seeing dave in his maid dress was also particularly rewarding, I could almost smell the embarassment when he first got here. He seems to have adjusted to it by now, him and karkat went to the nearby corner store looking for masks, seeing as we only told them about them today.

I think that Dave may have feelings for karkat. Whever he talks about him he seems a bit happier, in the small ways that he shows it. I've noticed certain mannerisms he makes when he's happy, the most prominent being him scratching the back of his neck. 

My thinking is interrupted when Kanaya taps my shoulder.  
"Rose Honey I Got You Some Tea  
Figured You Might Want A Little To Help Calm The Nerves."  
"Oh thank you darling! How is everything turning out, it's all going according to plan right?"  
"Yes Everythings Okay  
Calm Down Doll I Promise Everything Will Work Out"  
"No no, I'm calm it's just a bit intimidating...  
Oh, did you ever ask vriska to join?"  
"I Would But I Have The Strong Feeling She Would Call Me A Slur And/Or Spit On Me" Kanaya explained  
"That And She Just Got A Job At Trollbucks"  
"Makes sense..."  
Right as I finished my words I heard the door ring and someone come in.  
Karkat and Dave had finished getting their masks. It seems they took inspiration from me and Kanaya, as they too had pride masks. Karkat's bearing the mlm flag, and Dave's the bi flag.

Just as they arrived, Kanaya pulled me into the back room, making a comment about how she wanted to make creme brulee before the cafe opened.

Dave's pov:

as me and kitkat made our way back from the corner store, he asked some more questions about sexuality  
there was a non binary pride mask at the store, he seemed really intrigued at the concept  
we talked about what it means to be non binary, gender fluid, he asked about other pronouns and we discussed neopronouns for a bit  
i gotta admit, i love talking to the guy  
im stoked that we're gonna have more time to hang out  
i made a playlist specifically for when me and him are alone, on breaks and such  
now would probably be a good time to put that on  
shit okay

i pulled out my phone and opened spotify, looking for the playlist called "kitkat"  
what i found instead was a playlist labeled "You think you're so smooth"  
maybe it was a bad idea sharing a spotify with rose  
i turned it on nonetheless   
perfect first song, oops! by yung gravy

"WHY"  
"hmm? why what kit- karkat?"  
"WHY PLAY MUSIC DUDE WE'RE AT THE CAFE" i looked up  
he was right  
"awh damn i was just getting exited, its yung gravy man.."  
"WHATEVER JUST GET YOUR ASS INSIDE"  
"yeah yeah"

walking in, me and kitkat were greeted by egdip  
god this is embarrasing as shit i hate these fucking dresses

"Oh hey Dave, Karkat!" he greeted eagerly  
before responding to john, karkat quickly whispered in my ear asking what his mask means  
"oh thats just the pride flag, its kind of an umbrella term, just means lgbtq+"  
based off the look on john "not a homosexual" egbert's face, he definitely overhead  
"So uh" oh man you could tell how desperately he was trying to change the subject "Nice, uh, maid dress! Haha you look so dorky-"  
"JOHN YOU'RE LITERALLY WEARING THE SAME THING"  
"Yeah but I look really pog in mine"  
"JOHN WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS A POG"  
"Oh it's a reference to these really cool streamers i watch actually! Quackity is my favorite but theres a whole bunch, I think youd like Tommyinnit, karkat, they all play minecraft together and stream it, theres been like 10 wars so fa-"  
"NOPE ACTUALLY, SHUT THE HELL UP I DONT WANNA KNOW"  
"anyways, john, whats up with your mask? i thought you 'werent a homosexual'"  
"I  
Uhm  
Yknow i think i hear kanaya calling my name I should ask her about the cat ears anyway they mess up my hair and I'd rather not wear them talk to you later bye!"  
kitkat laughed under his breath as john quickly walked away, making his way to the back room leaving me and kitkat alone again  
Everyone else was talking among themselves or in another room, anxiously awaiting 5:30 to come  
anxiously awaiting the opening of the cafe  
i turn on the playlist again, yung gravy's oops! resuming  
as i did karkat started complaining  
im not quite sure what about, i wasnt paying attention  
instead i was watching his facial expressions as he spoke  
studying his movements  
the way he exaggerated his movements to make a point  
the way his messy hair shined in the well lit room  
inspecting the carefully done makeup that im sure he thinks i dont notice  
he really does go out of his way to hide his blood color doesnt he  
oops! comes to an end and i wait to see what song comes on next  
oh great i forgot i put this song on here  
karkat pauses as he wait to recognize the song, only seeming to know it when they sing the first line  
(Wise men say  
Only fools rush in  
But I cant help falling in love with you)  
"WHY THIS SONG DAVE  
GOD THIS IS SO CHEESY"  
(Shall I stay)  
"idk man"  
(Would it be a sin?)  
"i just like this song i guess"  
(If I cant help falling in love with you)  
we both got past the initial shock and continued what we were doing  
i really dont remember adding this song  
this isnt even the cover i like anyways plus it totally doesnt match the rest of the playlist  
i didnt add this did i  
this was rose  
im certain  
but why would she do that-  
me and karkat are just bros  
all the while i was still inspecting him  
his makeup really is nice  
i wonder if kanaya did it  
its hard to tell its even there  
whoever did the makeup definitely knows what theyre doing  
suddenly i realized i wasnt paying attention to anything he was saying  
i tuned back in  
"-THIS SONG REALLY IS CHEESY DAVE  
I NEVER KNEW YOU WERE INTO THIS KINDA STUFF"  
(Take my hand,)  
"yeah well,, it just makes me kinda happy yknow?"  
(Take my whole life too,)  
"it almost like, feels like someones talking about me, its nice"  
(For I can't help falling in love with you)  
the more i think about it the more the song really does remind me of karkat  
(For I,)  
not this cover of course, this ones far too cheesy  
no, i need to remember to switch this one out with the other one later  
(Can't help)  
"THATS SAD DAVE.  
YOU SEEM LONELY"  
(Falling in love)  
i guess i am a little lonely sometimes  
its never bad though, i can deal with it  
(With)  
i still think about it sometimes  
what it would be like having someone by my side  
someone like karkat  
(You)

I have it bad don't I


	5. FIGHT?!?!??!??!? (NOT CLICKBAIT) 🙀 🙀 🙀

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (A/n) quick disclaimer i forgot to put in the last post, i wwill be using he/him pronouns for john and they/them for roxy so yeah

John's pov

"Hello and welcome to Maryam's maid cafe, I'm John, I use he/him pronouns, and I'll be your server today! How can I help you?"  
Gamzee looked up at me, a dazed look in his eyes.  
"Im GaMzEe He/HiM, GiVe Me A MoThErFuCkIn MiNuTe To ChOsE mY fOoD" a goofy smile spread across his face, this guy...  
"Of course! Is there anything you'd like as a drink for now?"  
"dO yOu HaPpEn To HaVe AnY mOtHeRfuCkIn FaYgO?"  
"Yup! We only have rockin rye for now though, hopefully thats okay?"  
"MoThErFuCkIn ChIlL bRoThEr"  
The goofy smile returned to his face as I walked away with a quick "Coming your way!" 

~15 minutes earlier~

The cafe just opened for the first time. Oh god  
The first people to come in just had to be Jade and Vriska. I appreciate it of course! They're my friends and I know theyre here to support us, its just a little embarrassing for some of your best friends to see you in a maid dress. Not to mention the mask clearly going against my claim of not being a homosexual  
Im sure that most of them know by now, ive shown some homosexual tendencies, but i can always spin the mask into some sort of an ally thing. Showing my support and all that.  
Speaking of support  
Jade and vriska  
When they both got here jade and vriska were immediately seated, the cat troll was taking care of jade, and the taurus one with vriska.  
If Im gonna work here i really should try harder to remember their names...

Tavros's pov

"oH HEY VRISKA, eR I MEAN,  
hELLO, wELCOME TO MARYAMS MAID CAFE,  
mY NAME IS TAVROS, hE/HIM PRONOUNS, hOW CAN I HELP YOU TODAY?"  
"Hey taaaaaaaavros  
Say, not to critique your costume design, 8ut are those cat ears?"

"eRM, yEAH, kANAYA SAID IT FIT BETTER WITH THE THEME OF THE CAFE,"  
"Oh? Well I like the theme then, all cat 8oys and guys in skirts.  
It totally suits you!"  
"wELL, tHERES NOT JUST MEN WHO WORK HERE TOO,,  
tHERE ARE WOMEN, i HEARD ROSE'S SIBLING MIGHT BE JOINING IN THE FUTURE TOO,"  
"Huh, I figured this was some kind of fem8oy thing..  
Doesnt matter, can I just have a water while i look over the menu?"  
"oF COURSE, iLL BE BACK WITH THAT"

John's pov  
"Hes your faygo! Have you decided on what you want to eat yet?"  
Gamzees eyes flickered towards vriska in the next table over   
"I sTiLl HaVeNt QuItE mAdE mY mOtHeRfuCkIn MiNd Up YeT, bUt I dOnT tHiNk HaViN tAvBrO aNd VrIsKa ToGeThEr Is A gOoD iDeA-"  
Tavros.. that names familiar  
I think i've heard vriska mention him before?  
Oh yeah hes that one who always annoyed her!  
Oh  
Oh god  
"Oh god yeah you're right  
Uhm  
I'll get that situated one second!"  
I quickly moved to the back, searching for one of the owners.  
"Kanaya! Hey, so Tavros and Vriska got paired together and its not a good idea at all because Tavros is the one that vrisk-"  
"I Know Who Tavros Is John  
One Second Ill Take Care Of That"  
She walked out of the room, I'll never understand how she can manage to always keep her composure..  
After a few minutes I heard footsteps again and she was back.  
"Okay You And Tavros Are Switching So Youll Be Serving Vriska Now, Youre Okay With That Right?"  
"Oh yeah thats fine!"  
Sweet! I'd been wanting to catch up with her lately. I made my way back to the table and introduced mysself like i did to gamzee.  
"Hey joooooooohn I would say my name back but you already know me"  
"Oh yeah of course I know you Vriska, they just have us say our name and prefered pronouns when we introduce ourselves!"  
It looks like Tavros already got her a drink,  
"So, have you decided what you want yet?"  
I wrote down her order and made my way to the back, giving the order to kanaya.  
I made my way our from the back just in time to see eridan walk through the door   
Karkat walked over to take his order, but he wasnt having any of it.  
"No, kar I wwant fef to servve me!"  
"ERIDAN PLEASE MAN SHES NOT GONNA SERVE YOU, JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR A DRINK"  
"But kar I wwant to talk to her"  
"I TOTALLY GET THAT DUDE BUT SHE IS NOT GONNA WANT TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW  
ESPECIALLY NOT HERE  
SO COULD YOU JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT FOR A DRINK AND WE'LL MOVE ON? I HAVENT EVEN SAID MY MANDATORY PRONOUN SPEECH YET"  
"As least I don't complain a8out my servers" Vriska whipsered beside me  
"Wwell at least I don't havve to rely on making fun of people to keep up my self confidence!"  
"Oh good lord don't get into this now i have so much shit I could call you out on here"  
"Oh really? I wwould'vve thought you'd forgotten  
Guess you do still care about me huh"  
"Jegus, just accept 8t and move on! No ones into you dude  
Not me  
Not feferi  
No one."  
"Sounds oddly similar to something someone hiding pitch feelings wwould say  
Awwe  
Do you hate me~"  
Vriska turned to me, and a wide smile spread across her space  
"John, 8uddy, would you get me another glass of water, I'm just paaaaaaaarched"  
"Oh uh, yeah of course!"  
I hurried back and got her water, when I'd returned she grabbed it and walked over to eridan.  
"I know you think youre all that, 8ut you 8ren't  
You're just a smelly little fish 8oy  
Remem8er that next time!" She said in a cheerful tone and poured the water on eridans head, messing up his hair and leaving him incredibly angry  
"You fuckin-"  
"Oh and," vriska said, cutting him off "we all know you wear eyeliner, you're fooling no one"  
And with that she gave me 10 dollars for "the service and putting up with her shit" and left.


End file.
